


grandloves

by worry



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, i love to ignore all canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 12:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7268698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anatole doesn't mean it, but Dolokhov pretends that he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	grandloves

1.   
  
There are two boys playing in the sand. In the forest. In the rain.   
  


There are two boys playing near the pathways, there are two boys playing by the places that they are never supposed to go. There are two boys laughing, and one boy thinks that the other's laughter is the most beautiful thing in existence. One of the boys thinks that the other is better than the forest, better than the rain, better than anything that divinity could create.   
  


There are two boys, and here is their story:    
  


Love. Not quite love, but almost love. Almost-love. The lost possibility of love. The love that has drowned in the rain.   
  


There are two boys, and here is their story:   
  


2.   
  
It starts when they are young. Dolokhov starts staring at Anatole, and Anatole is a sunset - beautiful while he lasts, and then he leaves and Dolokhov's world becomes dark. Anatole is something to explore, something full of wonder, and Dolokhov discovers something new with every passing day. He discovers that Anatole is arrogant but loving. He discovers that Anatole's sister is odd, and he discovers that he is deeply infatuated with Anatole Kuragin.   
  


Anatole is young and he doesn't know what he's doing. Dolokhov must be doing something right, because Anatole has his hand on Dolokhov's shoulder and Anatole is telling him _I love you._ __  
  


"I love you," Anatole says. "You're my favorite, my best friend."

  
"Thank you," Dolokhov says simply. Nothing more, because Anatole doesn't mean it.    
  


He never considered it, the prospect of _love_.    
  


Love.    
  


Love has nothing to do with the situation. Love - love is an interesting thing. He knows that it is rare and delicate, and doesn't come easily.   
  


"Thank _you_ for being my friend," says Anatole, and Dolokhov sinks inside; there is something about the word _friend_ that makes him feel sick. Sick and hollow, as if Anatole tore him apart and damaged him with a single word as a weapon.   
  


Anatole doesn't mean it, but Dolokhov pretends that he does.

  
  
2.   
  


"I love you," Anatole says, and his head falls into Dolokhov's lap. "I'm - I - don't know, it's stupid, but you have always been here for me, and-"   
  


"You've had too much to drink," Dolokhov interrupts. He doesn't mean it. Anatole doesn't mean it, but Dolokhov pretends that he does. Dolokhov pretends that Anatole sees him in the way that he sees Anatole. Dolokhov pretends that Anatole thinks of him as something beautiful.   
  


"And you haven't?" Anatole asks. "You've been drinking all day. I don't - I don't know how you're still... still... standing."   
  


Anatole's voice is shaking; he can barely get his words out. He will be asleep soon, and then Dolokhov's world will go dark again.   
  


"I'm not standing, Anatole, I'm sitting."   
  


"This is no time for sarcasm," Anatole says, "I'm trying to tell you something."   
  


"No, you're not. You're _drunk_. You don't mean it."

  
"How do you know that I don't-"   
  


" _Sleep_."   


  
Anatole sleeps.

  
Anatole doesn't mean it, but Dolokhov pretends that he does.   


  
3.   
  
Anatole gets married, and Dolokhov's world goes dark.

  
It's not a _real_ marriage - Anatole is being forced into it, but it is a reminder that Dolokhov will never be anything to him but a friend. A _best_ friend, which is a title that he is not worthy of. He wants to be closer, wants to be as close to him as possible.    
  


Anatole doesn't mean it.   
  


Dolokhov knows that he doesn't.   
  


It still hurts.   
  


4.   
  


Anatole kisses him a few days after he is "married".   
  


He is unsurprisingly drunk, and he kisses Dolokhov on the cheek. It turns into a real kiss later, and Anatole is on top of him and kissing him and-   
  


Dolokhov pushes him away. It's the most dreadful and painful thing that he has ever had to do. Push Anatole away, push his love away. Push Anatole, his love, away. Anatole is kissing him and Dolokhov knows that he doesn't mean it. Anatole doesn't mean it, but Dolokhov pretends that he does. Dolokhov thinks that in some other lifetime, Anatole will mean it, but that lifetime is not this one and this is nineteenth century Russia and things like this never work out.   
  


"Stop," Dolokhov says.    
  


"Why?" he asks. "I've always wanted to-"   
  


"No, you haven't," Dolokhov tells him. "Please, go home."   
  


"I love you," Anatole tells him. He doesn't mean it.   
  


"You love someone else."   
  


"No, I don't."   
  


"You will," Dolokhov says. "At some point, you will."   
  


The night ends like this: Anatole goes home, and Dolokhov is left to his thoughts. His thoughts are terrifying. His thoughts are telling him that this is more than an infatuation, this is more, this is _love_.   
  


The next time that he sees Anatole, neither of them speak of it.    
  


Dolokhov convinces himself that Anatole doesn't remember it. Anatole doesn't mean it, Anatole doesn't love him, and Dolokhov can't continue pretending that he does.   
  


5.   
  


Anatole is quite madly in love with Natalya Rostova.   
  


She is a charming girl. Dolokhov understands why Anatole loves her.   
  


Anatole doesn't mean it. Anatole never meant it.   
  


There were two boys playing in the sand, in the forest, in the rain.   
  


The two boys grew up.   
  


Their story was never supposed to be a beautiful one.   
  


The ending of their story goes like this: Dolokhov gives up.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work for this fandom so !!!! please be kind & tell me what you think?? yeah idk thank u!!


End file.
